Those Advice shared by A Dad That Rescued Me as a New Father

"I believe I was simply in survival mode for the first year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the truth rapidly turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications during the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he burnt out. That was when a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You need some help. In what way can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are symptomatic of a broader reluctance to communicate amongst men, who often hold onto damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It is not a show of being weak to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not justified to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to request a respite - going on a short trip away, separate from the family home, to gain perspective.

He came to see he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings alongside the logistical chores of caring for a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of emotion and understand his decisions as a father.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without reliable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing trauma caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "terrible actions" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that made you feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - looking after yourself is the most effective way you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - managing the emotions in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."